LaughingHardAtLife

Basically I refuse to feel this way anymore and number 6 of my 52 things

2012-02-15T09:04:00.000-08:00

I like to think I have always been a pretty strong person. Without airing too much of my dirty laundry let just say somethings have happened for me to have become living on my own by age 15(living in my teenage sisters garage while she was never home, so basically on my own) and leaving a marriage that sucked all the life out of me by age 22.
I've been pretty stable as I've tried to build a life for me and my kids. For sure my life has been relatively drama free. Literally-relative free most of the time which has made it drama free most of the time.
Anyway, Victoria and I have had a mother/sister/friend relationship. Some people like to have opinions about that, such as you should only be a parent and never a friend. Too that I say IDGAF, because each relationship is different. I have raised an awesome person. I have never had to worry about her....doing drugs...sleeping around...keeping things from me. It's not easy to spell out, but we our relationship shifts gears on whether I need to be the hard-assed mom, or the naturally immature person that I am inside that laughs at myself and others equally.
I knew I would miss her, but I didn't know it would be to the level where I felt I needed to take anti-depressents to function. That period has passed before I started the medication, so now I am just going on sheer will, counting the days until I see her and trying to function as normal as I can in life since I have things to do...like find a job, parent boys, eventually get back to cleaning my house. I know Jeremey has worried, I just kept telling him "I'm not all here right now" which has been pretty obvious.Since we don't really have any family besides us five, I have only encountered the clueless responses about what I'm going through from people in passing such as neighbors who ask if we have heard from her (we haven't) and my "job cheerleader" as I like to call her a.k.a. the career services woman at my school. People are like,"okay your kid left, you'll see her again, what's the big deal" The big deal is this: we talked everyday..ALL DAY everyday, usually texted eachother before she came out of her room in the morning. She did all my stuff with me that I am now doing alone (pretending to be productive,cleaning up the house, running errands around town, watching stupid shows that lower our I.Q., laughing at people, making fun of ourselves because it is so blatantly obvious I don't really fit in anywhere and she is following in my foot steps) One day the contact ended. She is now Property of the government. Her clothes and phone were mailed back to me. For over two weeks now I have not talked on the phone to her,texted her, and so far not even received a letter from her. So yeah, I'm not doing too well. But I've decided to just not let this hurt me as bad anymore, even though I am crying as I type. I am going to pretend I am okay and hopefully soon I will be. Boot camp will be over by April, I will get the phone calls and text back. And even though my BFF/daughtersisterfriend will be living somewhere else learning to be self-sufficient and making an awesome life for herself, it won't feel like my kid vanished in a cloud of dust anymore.
On that note- here is my SIXTH thing for the Sixth week-
A friend of mine gave me approximetely 3 days notice of her daughter 4th birthday. Being that I prefer to give handmade gifts whenever possible this was not a lot of time. But I didn't let that stop me. I remembered an idea I saw on this blog:
kimboscrafts.blogspot.com/search/label/backpack
of a cute little backpack/baby carrier.
I knew I didn't have time to get the pattern or the materials it required, so I winged it and made my own version. I also made a compact of fake make up that is featured in the post but didn't get a picture of that. Here is my sweet little boy model showing off the backpack. I think my friends daughter liked it.

I guess I don't handle stress very well. :(

2012-02-10T11:53:00.000-08:00

I'm being honest here. I'm really having a hard time. It's pretty frustrating because I have too much to do, find a job, deal with my other kids, study for my quickly coming up state board test.Keep.my. house. clean. And I am frazzled.
I got to get a hold on things.

4th and 5th thing of 52 weeks cause I suck

2012-02-06T09:06:00.000-08:00

Crazy week oh crazy week.
Here are my fourth and fifth things-

Fleece pajama pants-
I planned to make these for my 15 year old son, Jeremy and have them ready by Christmas, of course that didn't happen, and of course they only took about a half our or so to make, he loves them and they are so soft and warm.

Then I made these pajama pants for Justin (9 yrs old). I got this flannel for $2.00 dollars total and have made him two pairs of pajama pants from it. This pair I put a strip of fabric down the side to make them a little more baggy.
Yay.

And then there were two.....two kids that is.

2012-01-31T09:04:00.000-08:00

So, on Sunday Victoria met up with her recruiter at the office to ride down with him to Sacramento and prepare for flying out on Monday(which was yesterday) About an hour before she had to meet him, it was all sad, we were still trying to pack up her room, and Jeremey said he wanted me to be able to go to Sacramento with her and see her off because she really wanted me there but financially we didn't feel we could afford the trip,the hotel, the food, and risking driving my crappy car there. Well, it was an offer I couldn't refuse. I wasn't ready to let her go yet and wanted to prolong it as long as we could. Tori rode down with her recruiter and the 15yr old son, Jeremy rode with me.I'm so chicken about driving in cities but luckily we were going to Folsom which is on the Northern outskirt of Sac. and I didn't have to drive through the high traffic area that would surely give me a heart attack.
I got a military family deal at the hotel, we got military family deal at dinner, so that helped. And Tori even got to stay the last night in my room so that was awesome. Unfortunely, even with me there, being the mom, she barely got any sleep. I made the t.v. go off at midnight, but she had to wake up at 3:45 to meet her group and head over to MEPS. Jeremy and I got to MEPS about 8am and Tori already felt like she had been up a whole day. All those kids were dead tired already, and they were all kids too. At 36 I still forget how old I am until I see these kids my daughters age and they are babies to me. The kids were dead tired, and I got to get pictures of Tori swearing in, then she got bussed to the airport.And yes there were tears from her and I wouldn't let myself cry I just kepy saying I am so glad she gets to do this and I am so proud of her We were going to head home from there but Tori found out I could go to the boarding area at the airport, so I found the airport and we got to see her more. For some reason I set off the airport alarms and they did this weird thing were they patted me down then wiped a white pad on the palm of my hands and tested it in a machine. I passed, whatever that means. We got too be with her until she got on the plane at 1:30p.m. and yes there were tears, mostly from Tori and I couldn't help to cry a little but I told her I was proud and am so happy she gets to do this and do her best at Basic training. We saw her fly off ,then headed home dead tired. I heard from her off and on when she got to the Illinois airport, I kept telling her to rest but her and her travel buddy met up with the other Navy kids from all over and they seemed like they were all pretty excited. This was like 9:30p.m. her time.She called me about 1:30 a.m. her time and said I will get her stuff in the mail in about two weeks and a phone call in about 3 weeks and we got to say goodbye. I heard she probably was kept up all night and we already miss her terribly, but I am so happy, excited, and proud of her to have made a decision for her future that most kids we know think is asking too much of themselves. I can't wait to hear from her. Justin gets her room, and I have to finish packing it up today, this is the first time the boys will ever be in their own rooms. Both slept downstairs in the living room last night, I'm sure the transition will be rough, but good in the long run. With Jeremy being 15 and Justin 9, sharing a room has been so not fun for years.
I can't wait until she is out of basic and we can talk everyday again <3

We had a real nice going away party saturday night, everyone crowded in my house and we played Left Right Center and ate Pizza and cheesecake~

Good byes and MEPS-

4th week, 4th thing-a-ling

2012-01-26T09:01:00.000-08:00

I made two more of these Plarn Green Bags. I didn't get a chance to take a picture of them however, because Jeremey works for a Natural Resources company and the "Board of Directors" may possibly sell my bags at their meetings and other events, so he took them and some coin purses to work for the board to decide upon.
The one I made in the picture was for my aunt-in-law, Daisy. She requested a Plarn green bag a few years ago and loved it, and this time she wanted one that had actual sides like a paper bag, so she got the first one I created, she was happily surprised. These are time consuming and kinda a pain in the butt to make but it gives me something to do when watching movies and also they are unique and Earth friendly by keeping the plastic bags out of the landfill.

Mondayfunday

2012-01-23T08:27:00.000-08:00

Six more days of Tori here. January in Redding is poopy. I hate the endless days of rain, makes me bump up my vitamin intake to keep from being depressed.
Well by this time next Monday I will be in Motivated Grown-up mode.I have a loooooong list of places I'll be applying for a job and really, really studying for my CCA. I'm glad I was able to re-schedule but will be happy when it's just done and I passed it.
My 52 things is going to become 152 things. In the midst of whatever I can't not craft. I made the boys each a pair of pajama pants yesterday and made some stuff on the weekend. When it's rainy and I'm cooped up I can't just watch t.v. I have to be multi-tasking.
Luckily I didn't have pink eye. It's been so long that the red sore eyes I am typically used to just seemed worse, but it never got bad and we actually were able to get some spur of the moment family portraits done. That coulda really sucked.
Ah, I feel like there are so many changes that will be happening soon, I don't even know what life will be like when it all calms down.

Eh

2012-01-20T23:01:00.000-08:00

I fucking think I have pink eye. My eye balls suck. They are bad enough in their regular state but the past few days they have been redder, sorer, and overall unhappy. I hate being poor jobless and lacking in medical coverage.Hope this Homeopathic crap I got works.
On another note, Victoria is leaving a day early, apparantly she had to go on Sunday the 29th, and since I can't go to Sacramento to see her off like she really wants me to, I feel bad. I can't drive in Sacramento, I'd die. I have nobody to drive me, plus I'd only get sporadic minutes with her up until she left,I'm not even allowed in her wing of the hotel as it's all just for military people.
I have had the worst headache all day. I hate headaches. Vodka doesn't help,maybe sleep will.
It's raining like crazy here. Hello weekend.

3rd week, 3rd thing

2012-01-20T09:32:00.000-08:00

Awweeee, what a cute little hat. Cute little boy of mine.

52 things in 52 weeks. Here's the first two

2012-01-18T08:58:00.000-08:00

January 1-7th week one.First I had this idea to cover a foam ball with acorn tops. Tori and I bent over about a gazillion times on a recent hike picking these guys up off the ground. I am not happy with this project. I should have painted the foam ball first. Maybe next time.

January 8th-14th week 2. My friend Katie got me a Knit Qwik to trade for my nifty knitter because mine made afghans and I already know how to do that but I wanted one that made hats because my crochet hats always turned out stupid. So...I made this headband.

This is pretty fun so far.

Panic! It's getting closer.

2012-01-13T08:11:00.000-08:00

Tori's leaving in two weeks and a day. Up until today I have avoided knowing exactly how many days until she goes. What am I gonna do you guys????? Nobody is as weird as me besides Tori, nobody heckles life like her and I do. I come up with the crazy ideas I am to old to put into action and she acts them out and gets away with it cause she is still a silly kid. I'm still a silly kid too!!!PLUS, that means just me and Baby Joy our little tiny poodle will be the only girls in the house.

Studying for my exam and even looking for a job right now is completely out the window. I feel pretty much like a slacker. I was not made to sit at home and be just a home-maker. I prefer the craziness of trying to keep my house clean, laundry done, and everything running smoothly while also earning a paycheck.At least I'm still getting dressed everyday right?I do feel pretty un-productive though, maybe this is anxiety and will go away eventually, I told Jeremey yesterday that there are just too many changes going on and I think my way of coping is to not do any other things since I have enough to deal with. But I'll need a job eventually, especially since the car I bought last year is crap and I'll need to afford a plane ticket to see Tori graduate Basic Training in Chicago.okayokay. okay. Enough freaking out for now, time to start my day.

Lalala lalala!

2012-01-08T11:29:00.000-08:00

I seriously have been slacking on studying for my test......the test that is in like 3 weeks. See, what happened is I scheduled my test. Then Tori officially joined the Navy. Usually the ship dates are about six months out, but in November they gave her a January 30th ship date, three days after my test is scheduled for. So I just haven't devoted time to studying, we basicly have just chilled and watched movies and heckled life and basicly what we usually do.
I have decided to reschedule my test date for at least a month later just because I can't say I feel 100% confident about how successful I will be if I take it now.
Also, I'm hoping for a job I interviewed for at a local hospital. I should find out next week and if I get it, YAY, cause I'm so done being poor and living on one income and if I don't get it then I guess that will be okay because I only heard about it for a week and have too much other stuff going on.
Since I don't do resolutions I'll just call this a "plan" I decided that I want to do a 52 weeks of projects goal. I usually kind of bounce around making things depending on what I want to create at the time and sometimes life gets in the way and I end up not finishing for a long time or starting something else before finishing or whatever. So I made a list of 52 things, some of which are Christmas gifts so I will be getting that taken care of too, others are just things I got ideas for and want to see how they'll turn out. I numbered the 52 thngs but can do them and check them off in whatever order I feel depending on what I want to make and actually got the first weeks things done on the last day of the first week. So, we'll see how it goes.
Here is a pic of me and my Tori.

My baby girl!!!!

2011-12-14T18:49:00.000-08:00

My baby girl Vitctoria is shipping out with the Navy on January 30th 2012. I am so proud of her but am going to miss her so much. Tori and I have been together more than half my life. I had her at 17 and now here she is going on 20 herself. I have spent more time with and been closer to her than any one person and I am going to cry when she goes. A lot.

Studying or something like it.

2011-12-06T10:17:00.000-08:00

I have scheduled to take my CCA (certified coding associate) exam on January 27th 2012. So that means I have less than two months to brush up on everything I learned in school and learn the things I didn't. My job search is pretty much non-existent at this point because 1) I love being home and I keep getting different sicknesses and sore throats so I don't want to job search in the cold. 2) This is a good time to study because if I was employed right now I would basicly have no time to study and 3) With all these holidays I need to be home to care for Justin while he is on school breaks.
The dilemma here is I'm not doing as much studying as I need to. And time is passing by fast.I end up reading blogs, reading blogs, looking at Etsy, checking facebook, and reading blogs. Also I plan to paint my bathroom in the next week or so. So I guess I'll go study (a.k.a. avoiding studying by reading blogs), so I can pass that test. It's $300.00 to take and my school only pays the first time so I got one shot!

The Craft Faire Experience

2011-11-21T09:40:00.000-08:00

Well I have wanted to do a craft faire for a couple of years. Last year my ex-frenemy and I were going to do it together but she made ZERO things and I was working so didn't get a lot done in time. This year I vowed to do one, the biggest in my town, which is not a craft faire mecca but the one at the University had 500 plus visitors last year so that's the one I chose. With going to school and general life I did not get a lot of stuff done, but since I finished school at the end of October and the Faire wasn't until Nov. 19th, I went on a massive craft producing binge and at least got enough stuff to cover my table. As the day approached I visited lots of other craft shows mainly to see how they set up their table,pricing, if anyone had stuff like mine(nobody did thankfully) there were lots of scarves,lots of jewelry, and also some very talented people who had actual craft skills that the average person can't re-created which is what I think makes a crafter successful.
The Faire was Saturday. I had to be there by 7:30 and luckily Tori was able to go with me. I did not want to go alone, I rarely ever show people my crafts. I craft because it makes me happy.Besides the obvious reason of wanting money for my items I really have always wanted to participate just to experience the culture of craft faires,to be around other crafty people because I don't have a lot of friends in the area who enjoy making things handmade.
So anyway, Tori went with me. I have a grand total of one big plastic tub of stuff to bring with me.When I got there I said "maybe I won't do it" momentary panic. And my own teenage daughter said"you have to, you paid to come here" So I bucked it up and we went it. I was placed next to a very interesting women who seemed to be taking her table set up very seriously. She did not look happy, and the woman she brought with her immediately invaded my person space and began to tell me a million things that IDGAF about. Finally I just told her I was trying to do somehing and I'd talk to her when I was done and she went back to her area. On the other side of me was an older woman, she brought one tub also, scarves, very soft beautiful fluffy scarves. But she figured out last year that making and re-selling scarves is not very cost-effective if you buy premium yarn, so she was selling last years leftovers plus a few more she had made.I'll call her Mona, she was also nervous about her prices/stuff/amount that she brought. I immediately gave her a high-five and told her we'd do great.
The Faire was from 9-3 and I'll tell you I have never been told my stuff is "cute",creative,and fun so much in my whole life. Mona was showered in compliments of "so fluffy", soft, and pretty. If compliments where dollar we would both be rich, however that is not the fact. I did okay, made a profit over my booth space. But the best part was sitting there with Mona and Tori, we really had a great time. I showed her how to crochet a headband for her daughter, we heckled some of the ruder customers, and generally just visited and had a good time. I'm 36, Mona is 69 and next year we both requested out tables to be next to each others.I saw a lot of booths filled with quality crafts and all the other vendors were so friendly and happy, if I spent the Saturday at home I would have been doing something not nearly enjoyable such as cleaning or laundry. So over-all I think my first experience was pretty good. I just heard of one coming up in December that I'm trying to get into, but if I don't that's fine, I will definetely to the University Faire next year, and if I happen to make a little more cash next year than this I sure won't complain.

I'd like to interrupt this non-posting to create a post.

2011-11-15T08:08:00.000-08:00

First of all Disneyland. I. Never. want. to. go. to. disneyland. ever. again. That truly was the trip from hell. We got there in exactly 9 hours, that was good, but nothing else. On the way down at about 5am Justin fell as he was running out of a rest stop bathroom,in the dark, wearing my sandals. He ripped the skin on one toe and skinned up the opposite knee. The next morning as we were walking to the tram that would drive us into Disneyland he began crying and continued to cry off and on while limping and saying his whole right leg hurt from the knee up. It looked fine, for most of the day. We left Disneyland for dinner after carry/piggy backing and encouraging him to walk the whole day. At the restaurant I looked at his leg in the bathroom, there was a faint mark, but it was hard to tell if I was just seeing things. We ate and went back to Disney. At 11 that night when we left he was really saying his leg hurt. We stopped at Target and bought some aspirin,ace bandage,neosporin and some other stuff to try and fix him up. So when we got back to the rental house I had him take off his pants and get into Jammies, the leg looked realy really not good. There was a big red-ish purple-ish bubble by the barely scraped up knee, and a pink line going up to his groin, and it was warm. We immedietely went to the E.R. This began a three day stay in St Judes Hospital down in L.A., where our trip got put on hold, Justin had a bad allergic reaction to anti-biotics, Jeremey stayed with him and I stayed at the house with the other kids, we switched off in the daytime, Justin got poked and prodded and basicly the whole family suffered extreme stress with worry and feeling bad for our baby boy. Our trip got extended 4 days, 4 more days of the rental house and car, 4 more days of people missing work and school, 4 more days of eating out and just waiting until we could head home.The weirdest thing about it was the knee scrape which is the one that got infected was nothing compared to the split toe, but the main issue that caused the infection was THE GERM that happened to get into the knee was worse than the toe germs.Justin is a little boy,he can't barely going a day without an injury of some sort and both of the owwies from the fall were nothing compared to other scrapes and stuff that always healed in a few days.

He was the only kid in the whole St.Jude hospital so they put him on the Orthopedic wing and he was treated like a prince, so that was good.
The day after Justin finally got out we were able to return to Disneyland for one more day and since he was in a wheelchair we got to skip the lines, so that was cool because some of the lines are about 45 minutes long. The Haunted House was closed,Pirates was closed, Space Mountain was closed the second day. Oh yeah and Justin left his bag on a ride containing a bunch of smashed Disney coins,sixty dollars, Tori's I.D. card and her digital camera, of course nobody took it to lost and found. So that was pretty shitty too.
I don't think just the fact that the majority of the trip sucked is why I have zero desire to return. Disneyland just didn't seem the magical place it was when I was ten. The workers didn't look happy, the rides weren't as cool as I remembered, everything for sell was way overpriced, other patrons where so rudely pushing their way passed,yelling at their kids to wait up, or just striaght up expecting everyone else to jump out of their way. The second day when we got to skip the lines we covered the whole rest of the park we missed and even went back to some rides from the first day. It's really not that big of a place, the lines and the crowds make it seem bigger. I'm not saying I didn't like it at all.I'm just saying once is enough for me. It's not the kind of place that needs repeating.We can have just as much fun spending the same amount of money and have more quality family time going to the Sacramento State Fair PLUS taking a trip over to the ocean. But at least we got it out of our system now.

I'm going to Disneyland!!!

2011-09-07T08:18:00.001-07:00

Yeah. For real. In two days. Disneyland. OMG!

Just things.

2011-08-30T08:23:00.000-07:00

I always have trouble thinking what I should write about as far as what is deemed to much information and what is just plain old shit nobody wants to read about. I found my journals from 2000-2003 that I kept in some notebooks and remember when I would write with abandon. Just dump all that crap out, and maybe putting it on hard paper made it easier because then I could hide it somewhere or tear out and throw away the pages I documented things i don't want to remember.Three bug things have happened in the past year that I spend some time thinking about but don't really purge because 1. Sometimes when I get ready I just dont have the right words and 2. I know someone must visit this page because the counter shows so, but who really cares to read my crap is how I feel sometimes.
Thing 1- I ended a friendship from high school, that I already ended once between the years 2000 and 2009. I just had to re-confirm that the person really was a shitty friend, and I found out that after nearly 9 years sometimes people don't grow up and get better, they turn crazy and get worse.
Thing 2- I quit my job in January to attend a 9 month program at a Tech school. I have about 7 weeks left and graduate in October. I must admit this is kinda freaking me out because I dont feel ready, don't feel like I learned enough and am scared about looking for a job and all those new changes up ahead.
Thing 3- My grandma died. This affects my life more mentally that anything else because I never really felt my grandma gave a shit about me. I found out during the ten days before she died that she in fact was extremely proud of me because I come from a long line of people who just cant seem to get their shit together-ever. Not that finding this out fulfilled the big void I had from a life time of wishing I actually had a fucking grandma, but it did help me to make my own personal amends and forgive her in some ways for being human.
Through these main changes in this past year I have had Jeremey to talk to sometimes. But having your husband be your best friend sometimes has it's downside, mainly because he is a guy. I've never really had a best girlfriend, but damn, sometimes I just wish I had a gf to call up and hash out this stuff with. so yeah, that's where I am right now. just some things.

Abc's...........about me

2011-06-03T20:54:00.000-07:00

I found this on someone else whose blog I read and decided that even though I have thought of quite a few things I want to blog about, some are too deep, some take too much time and I feel cold, tired and lazy, and also I just thought it looked fun so here it goes.

A. Age: 36
B. Bed: size Queen
C. Chore that you hate: Can I have two? cleaning the shower and putting away socks.
D. Dogs: Kinda, we call her the rodent. She is a miniature poodle that weighs less than four pounds. She is the most loving person I have ever met.
E. Essential start to your day: Caffeine. Either in coffee or tea form
F. Favorite color: Green
G. Gold or Silver : Silver. Always
H. Height 5'5
I. Instruments you play: Re-learning the Viola
J. Job title: Currently- student, mom and Domestic Engineer
K. Kids: Victoria , Jeremy , Justin
L. Live: Ca
M. Mothers Name: Annette
N. Nicknames: Mist, Babe, Shaniqua
O. Overnight hospital stays: Birth of my kids, Bronchitis very bad as a child, Mennengitis as a child.
P. Pet Peeve: People who talk or make noises during a movie. Selfishness.
Q. Quote from a movie: I'm just not that into keeping other peoples phrases.
R. Right or left-handed: Left
S. Siblings: Sister two years older and sister 17 years younger
T. Time you wake up: By 7am
U. Underwear: Boy shorts
V. Vegetable you hate : Peas(cooked) and Lima beans
W. What makes you run late: Kids who will not listen
X. X-rays you've had: Mostly back and neck, and teeth
Y. Yummy food that you make: I think my cabbage stir-fry is pretty delish.
Z. Zoo animal: Depends on the zoo. San deigo zoo has Elephants which I love, but at Sacramento probably the kangaroo.

When time isn't really on my side.

2011-05-12T08:09:00.000-07:00

I really thought that by quitting my job when I returned back to school it would allow me the time to study,really focus on school, and just do an awesome job. Those hours after the kids leave and before I have to be at school seemed so long and full of hope. What I have discovered is that all the new time I have has quickly been sucked up doing all the things I had to put on the back burner because I had no time when I was working. Sure I have gotten rid of a TON of clutter that was driving me crazy, but I also have spent so much time before school doing things "not school related", I shampooed my livingroom the other morning, I moved some funrniture downstairs that wasnt getting used upstairs. This is a good thing in a sense, but really what it has told me is that if I am at home, I do home stuff. I have been leaving for school up to two hours early just so I can be in school mode and not home being distracted. Its working for me as hard as it is too pull myself away from home and my to-dos. Because I know in a few short months I will be done with school and working again and be in the exact same position of never getting anything done. I guess this is what it's like though huh, time is never really on anybodys side. Oh yeah, another thing I've been doing when I should be doing school stuff is a hell of a lot of crafting, I should post that stuff next time.

When aliens probe my throat.

2011-04-21T21:24:00.000-07:00

I'm usually the one in my family who almost never gets an illness. On the rare occasion I do get sick it's usually after everyone else has been sick and I am free to suffer through without feeling that someone else needs my care. Last week the Jeremy(15) had a plague-flu. This is my healthy kid, in his whole life he has never had the flu before. Colic as a baby, colds, and even food poisoning once,which affected all of us and we will now we can never get chinese food from the Sailing Boat ever again, which was delicious but deadly. I know my teenager is sick when he calls me mommy. All of last week leading into this week my husband, Jeremey had a bad cold/sinus infection. Poor kid had too do hard labor at work through it all. I guess it's my fault for wanting an occasional kiss because I woke up this morning with the distinct feeling that my throat had been probed with a razor lined shaft by aliens in my sleep last night. Sux.

Relay for Life

2011-04-09T09:09:00.000-07:00

I have joined a Relay for Life team at school. We will be earning money as a group and individually for the big event in June where we will camp out overnight at the college then spend the next day doing the Relay event. I am so excited!!! I personally have to earn $100.00 but plan to not stop there. I have a few fund-raising ideas just don't know a lot of people so I may have to do the door to door thing. I came up with to items to give for a donation- a wooden keychain heart with "Relay for Life" punched into it with metal letter punches and a friendship bracelet in Relay colors. The letter punches are totally a pain to get lined up perfectly since they are so tiny so I am still working on that. I'm glad my teacher told me about this, it's a great thing to be a part of, many people I know have been affected by cancer.

Being a Grown-up is fun!

2011-03-21T13:19:00.000-07:00

As you all know (you being nobody, since nobody reads this) I am going to school to learn Medical billing in my mid-30's because I didn't plan well and chose to have children first. Thus requiring me to lead a life of poorness. I love my kids though, they are my hearts, my reason, my only family besides Jeremey that really ARE my family. The fun thing about going to school as an adult is it's my choice. A conscious decision I am making to try and make my life better. I recieved a certificate for making the Deans list last Friday and that was the most awesome thing! I expect A's from myself. I look forward with delight to those papers with the high percentages and high grades, and feel pride. For some reason though, we don't all function that way. I mean my two teenagers when I say this. At this point they are 18(nineteen in a month) and 14(fifteen in six days) and we can not convince them that the choices that they make now, or choose not to make, will affect them for a while if not their whole lives. Some teenagers think it's all about just having fun and doing well in school, getting a job etc. doesn't really matter. That sux. So! Jeremey and I are just kinda trying to figure out how to guide without doing it for them, and letting them fail if they need to in order to learn the right way of doing things. We are also trying to show them that being a grown-up is fun. Oh so fun!

Today.

2011-03-07T10:22:00.001-08:00

Today, it is so sunny outside and I am so sos sosossososo happy about it because I really need the sunshine.
Today, I am suffering from severe pms and trying not not act like it.
Today, I have another exam in Med terms and don't have any idea if I will do good because when I am ready the terms I think I know them but when I go back and try to quiz myself my mind goes blank.
Today, I made an eye doctor appointment to possible get plugs put in my eye which I hope will make them feel healthy and not be blood shot red once and for all. Freaked out about things being inserted into my eyes though.
Today, I decided I need to work on my patience....with lots of people. Maybe cutting down on caffeine will help.
Today, isn't too bad for a Monday.

On sunshine where have you gone?

2011-03-03T09:36:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was a crazy rainstormy day. Unfortunely I forgot to change out of my mules before leaving for school and was forced to swim through the parking lot on the way to my car after class as I was pelted with bullet-like raindrops and my feet became drenched. I don't remember last winter being this cold or maybe I am just getting old. Even with the extra layer of yoga pants and two pairs of socks I am freezing my buns off and it takes forever for me defrost once I get into a warm place. I really miss the sun. Luckily I have learned how easy I get depressed in this gloomy weather and double up on my St. Johns Wort and Vitamin D. I just don't remember being this cold last year. It kinda sucks that I go into hibernation mode during winter because since we don't have cable and our house is so small, it gets quite boring for the kids. We have kinda been getting out for short bursts on the weekend, but at home Jeremey and I seem to be the only ones content with reading books, indoor hobbies, and basicly just maintaining our body heat. Can't wait for the warm weather!

too much

2011-02-27T13:49:00.000-08:00

A pipe buted upstairs Friday night at 2am and I woke up to water dripping through my kitchen lights. I ran uptairs and turned off the water going behind the toilet and where the water was coming from. Then I woke up Jeremey and we spent the next hour and a half cleaning up inches of water upstairs and downstairs. After too little sleep the next day I couldn't find anything with our homeowners insurance info on it. I freaked for while then took off with katydid to the all about womens fair, that was cool. Felling not really refreshedafter getting out of the house, I called the insurance and found out we have a $1,000.oo deductable. We don't have $1,000.00. So after shampooing up about 6 buckets of water from the carpet, today Jeremey decided to pull the carpet up, rip out the padding, and attempt to dry the flooring and carpet with fans and the heater. It looks so like shit, but I hope it works. After my frustration of not being to find tha paperwork I decided we have too much stuff and today I loaded the whole back of his truck with things I know we can do without. (never did find those tax papers, oh well) While I did get rid of a ton of crap, I think I need to start living a much more minimalistic life. My house still feels too cluttered, I'm going to do this again in a few weeks and see what else I can part with.

Being happy. A grateful rant kinda

2011-02-20T08:23:00.000-08:00

As someone who can have depressive tendencies I know the challenges of being happy, especially when life is hard or things aren't going my way. A few years ago my life was the extreme example of unhappiness. Things were just hard, days were not happy, everything was a struggle, and there was no pay off. Then it got worse. I couldn't imagine a time when it could get better. Now, I have to remind myself what it felt like to be so unhappy because I am really blessed and have had so many things going good for me in life.I'm not saying life is perfect because there are some areas where my life sucks such as how me and Jeremey basicly have no other family members besides are kids that we can say we have a bond with. Sure I love my relatives, I have known them my whole life. But people who can live in the same town with me and my kids and speak to us only at Christmas and Thanksgiving and maybe one other time, are not people who truly want to be a part of our lives. There have been countless times when Jeremey or I had to miss work to stay home with a kid and I have relatives in this town who don't even work but instead sit around watching t.v. all day, but we know we cant count on them.
This isn't supposed to be a bitching post. Really, I have just been observing how incapable some people are of just being happy. I know so many people with not a single hobby or interest. They are just existing, not living life. Not having really awesome days, and I have been blessed to notice when I have had a really awesome day. I read one womans blog and she talked about just taking a day for herself and sitting on the beach and having time to herself. That is happiness. I think some people don't know how to be with just themselves and that contributes to their life dis-satisfaction. People can't make us happy, things can't make us happy. only we can be happy by being good to ourselves and noticing the blessings along with the sucky things. But it's easier and more satisfying if we don't give to much to the sucky things and really look at those blessings and be happy for them.

~I have a crush on- or I might even be in love with Ricky Martin~

2011-02-14T16:55:00.000-08:00

This is true. Everytime I look at that man I am like "mmmm-mmm". He is gorgeous. He just is, I'm not ashamed. Maybe it is because he is brown, I don't know, maybe because he won my heart when he was a young teen singing sensation. I remember as a young girl of about seven years old I got some Menudo gum in my Easter basket. I didn't want to ruin the wrapper with the group portrait plastered on it. I did, the gum tasted like perfume, but I somehow felt closer to Ricky, like I had eaten a piece of him. (*wink* *wink*) I know he is gay and I will never have a chance with him. He has twin babies anyway, and I am so done with having little kids. I also find Ellen DeGeneres to be completely Hawt. Her wife is very pretty. But Ellen is just probably the most beautiful woman ever. And she is funny. Confession--On my break at school today I took a "Shape" magazine out of the student break room because I wasn't finished reading an article about Ellen entitled "My all-day energy diet" omfg, she really is 52 years old, but doesn't look like it at all. I may or may not bring the magazine back after I am dont reading. I'm not committing-
That is all I have to say to you right now internets. I'm just putting it all out there.
Addendum- With this said, I do still totally love my husband Jeremey and would only choose him to spend my life with forever and ever.

owie!

2011-02-01T08:42:00.000-08:00

About ten years ago I had my wisdom teeth taken out, two of them, that's all the dentist could find. They said that's normal, that sometimes a person doesn't have all four. Well ok, cool. But! I have been having teeth pain, a couple issues and I went into my dentist a few weeks ago and told him just yank out my back teeth on either side. I was willing to be partially toothless just to be free of the pain, I thought the fillings had fallen out and wasn't willing to go the root canal route. Hellz no. So, mr. dentist said those teeth are fine and on the right I have a wisdom tooth that has to come out, way up in the jawline. Erk. So, yesterday I went in and had that thing done.It was pretty weird and the actual extraction took like 3.2145 minutes. He crushed my tooth to pieces and then removed the pieces and the worse part was hearing all that going on inside my face, I was numb but could feel the pressure of the tooth crushing. It pretty much hurts now but having one done is not as bad as several. That other m.i.a. wisdom tooth better just stay gone! I tried to get a picture of it but can't open my mouth wide enough to see inside which sux because I think all nastiness should be documented with photos.

Also- I added two whole things to my Etsy shop.
http://www.etsy.com/shop/LaughingHardAtLife
I'll see how it goes, I have more to add but the teeth owies and the lotsa homework stuff is kinda overwhelming me for the moment. <3

Real quick-

2011-01-21T09:01:00.000-08:00

Today I am finishing up my first week of school. yay! I really am glad I chose the Tech school route because as I am reminded by myself this week, I am not a completely nerdy, super successful on the ball motivated student and am not really the type to be a career student or do the homework thing long term. I chose the schedule that allows me to attend school in the middle of the day, and now that I am not working that leaves me when the kids are at school to do my homework and studying. I have done that, for the most part, I have done the previous nights homework the day it is due before heading off to school. I have also done a lot more things because being at home is distracting. I can't do anything school related until I do al my "at home to-do's" I start laundry, make the bed, unload the dishwasher, vacuum. It seems like I am avoiding school work and this is what I told myself at first. But really I just can't let go of my homemaker responsibilities. I cant just......let it go. Other than that I am enjoying this new change, I actually get to interact with intelligent people. Nice!
A friend of mine is going through a major crisis. Something life changing and horrible has happened and even though it is not happening directly to me is really weighing on my heart and often on my mind. The legal ramifications of this crisis are terrifying and we don't know how this will play out but know it can't be good and will take sometime before what will happen actually happens. I am doing the best I can to be here for her, encouraging, babysitting, giving logical advice. It scares me how easily something like she is going through happened and it really makes me thankful and blessed for the life I have, for Jeremey because he is my only support and makes up for all the shitty relatives I have in my life. While my kids are putting us through challenges right now, they are more just the side effects of their growing pains and definetly something we can handle. I really do appreciate where my life is right now and what good things have happened to me.
I really need to craft more, it makes me happy. So I plan to definetly increase my efforts in that area. -Loves!

Hey,Hi Hello,Ello',Yo,'Sup!!

2011-01-13T09:05:00.000-08:00

Today is exactly two weeks I since I quit my job. As I suspected, I don't miss it at all. I feel totally free, I am having trouble keeping track of what day it is, but am free. Tonight is my orientation at school and then I start next Tuesday. EEEEeeeeeeeeeeee! I totally hope there are medical billing positions available when I get done in October. I also hope, but am not really worried about it, that I am good at this new career. I know I'm smart, I settled with that job for three years. I have always settled. I think having an education in a field will put me in a place I at least feel I can use my brain. And I totally miss co-worker interaction. I didn't enjoy doing customer service before my ILS job because people in retail are treated like shit. But I did laugh my ass off almost everyday and had other people to share my misery, we made it not so miserable. I miss that.
It has been on my mind a lot that I need a best girlfriend. R and I were best friends out of high school and when that ended in 2000, I decided I dont need to bother with friends. Since re-connecting last year we have kinda fallen into the same friend routine, but we are both different. I am no so angry any more, not so obsessive (still obsess though) more confident, and much more into progressing my life and working hard for my family. I like to be busy. She has changed a lot. Not as positive (by a long shot) very un-motivated, just not the same girl she used to be. I am still glad we became friends again and love her all the same. But I feel the void that a friend-girl could enrich life more. I have never been a girly girl, but I just cant talk to Jeremey about everything and he doesn't want to talk girl talk to me anyway. I just ask that sometime before I'm an old lady God sends me another woman in my area that I can pick up and call if I want to go see a local event that Jeremey has no interest in. If it's someone who likes crafting and outdoor stuff even better. It's unfortunate that my life is so limited to the few people I know and that I never developed girlhood friendships that lasted into adulthood, but that kinda thing doesn't come naturally in the places my mom exposed me to during her being on drugs time a.k.a. "my whole childhood".
I really haven't accomplished all I intended to during this time off. First I had that horrible sore throat illness that had me in bed by 8 every night then at the tail end I had the worst p.m.s. experience since months and months. Cramps like crazy, and the headache, the headache was the worst, I didn't accomplish anything for days. All of my teeth ached. I finally went to the dentist the other day and told him I wanted to pull out two of my back teeth. I didnt care, just wanted them out, they hurt. The dentist said my teeth are fine and I am having major sinus pressure that is pushing in my teeth roots and thus causing the pain. Never heard of that before but okay. Oh, and a compacted wisdom tooth that was m.i.a. when I had the others removed in 2003. So I am working on the sinuses, used a Neti-pot for the first time yesterday.Ew. It isn't working so far, but hopefully.
One thing I am happy about is I have resolved to get rid of all clutter in my house. I gave up on my plan of a yard sale this summer and instead donated two full car loads to the thrift store. I have kind of narrowed down my craft stuff to things I think I will really use someday, and over these next few days I plan to get all the carpets shampooed and the upstairs hall and stairway repainted a fresh coat of white to cover up dirty handprints and where "Nobody" wrote the Eff-word. That "Nobody" sure can be busy in a house of two boys.
Here is a yummy black and white cake my hubby bought me during my little P.M.S-y episode.He even had them write on it. He loves me <3 !!!!!

Recent Crafts I made for gifts.

2011-01-01T11:46:00.000-08:00

These are some things I made for a few relatives this Christmas-
Embroidered pillowcases for the in-laws-

This is a little coin purse I made for my friends daughter. I wanted to keep it-

For a friend-

My husbands aunt is a vegetarian but eats seafood, so I made her a sushi coin purse-

It has a cold.

2010-12-14T13:22:00.000-08:00

I hacked up something scary this morning and took that as a sign that I'm not getting over this cold yet. My throat feels like it was gang-gouged by a handful of Edward Scissorhands fingers. And I feel all warm inside, but not good warm, all sweaty-hot and achy. I don't likey this. :(
I finished up the rest of my stuff for starting school and now just have my orientation sometime before my January 18th start date. I have had many sleepless nights of panic-filled obsession about the reduced income, my brain capabilities as far as learning, and just the whole fact that I am making a conscious decision to make a major life change!!! I am doing this willingly!! I know for sure it will all be okay, but it's the whole making a decision that I will not be going back on part that freaks me out. Like, I hate finality.
Even while being germ possessed and all obsessive about quitting my job (which I am giving notice day after tommorrow OMG) I have still found a little time to work on Christmas presents. In preparation for being poor I have decided to make presents for whoever it would be suitable. I wish I wasn't too lazy to add pictures to this post because I really like having pictures but haven't found an easier way that uploading to a virtual photo site then struggling to figure out how to put them on here because I am a tech retard. I have practiced my embroidering skills and done some pillowcases, made a wrist pin cushion and am working on some chip bag coin purses. Also I made scrapbook calenders for the grandparents that are impossible to shop for. I hope everyone likes their stuff and I hope I get it all done in time.

O...M...G

2010-12-06T08:17:00.000-08:00

I will be giving my two week notice in 11 days. And by New years eve I will be no longer working. I have been alternating between relief and freaking out. Relief because then I will no longer have to do the crap I have been doing for the past three years, but freaking out because our income will become drastically reduced and that totally freaks me out. But, there are two things I learned from watching MTV's 16 and Pregnant last night that put me a little at ease. #1) At least I am not quitting my job to have a baby, I am quitting my job to go to school which a year from now (or less hopefully) will greatly improve our income. #2) People can survive and be poor at the same time. Yippee. I keep thinking to myself, maybe I can do both, then my self says "No, dummy, you really can't" I will be learning some hard things and will need all the time I can get (read:All available hours my kids are in school) to study and learn so I actually know what the hell I am doing when I return to the work force.
I am definetely short-timing it at work. My heart isn't/hasn't been in it in forever. I just tell myself each day get through this day, earn this money for now, then pass this glorious(barf) job onto someone else who will love it for 1.45677435677 weeks before they start trying to figure out their next plan.
Oh looky it's time to get ready to leave for the day. Loves! -Misty

Changes

2010-12-04T09:08:00.000-08:00

There are many changes going on lately in my house. While in one sense they can be looked at as good, at the current moment they are pretty stressful. I know writing these things out will help me but this morning there is a lot going on and soon we will be out the door while the rain subsides to burn some of the energy out of my boys.
Here are a few things : Jeremey is 14. He has ADHD. He has been a huge challenge always but deep inside has a wonderful heart. Now that he is older he is choosing to be the hardest kid I have ever had to deal with. He is loud, rude, disrespectful at home and at school. And aggressive. We have been doing things to force him to change, it is totally being met with resistance of course.
Also, I will be giving my two week notice at work soon and in January starting a Tech school. I am kind of freaked out about quitting, even though I used to be so good at it. I am worried about us making it on one income. I also feel relief because I have wanted to quit this job for two years.
More on all of this later.

These are things.

2010-11-15T21:15:00.000-08:00

The day before I turned seventeen I was hospitalized. I was six months pregnant and had dangerously high blood pressure. Within a few hours I was on a jet flying to the nearest city (which happened to be Sacramento) that specialized in dealing with premature babies, UC Davis Medical Center. It was assumed considering my condition(Pre-eclampsia) that I would not go to term. I lasted seven more days before my blood pressure shot so high that the nurses padded my bed rails in case I seized to prevent my head being injured from banging on the rails. I had gained several pounds water weight, and began having mild contractions and chest pain.My baby was taken emergency c-section to save both our lives. I named her Victoria, she weighed 2 pounds and four and a half ounces. The first couple days are a blur. I was in a lot of pain and couldn't see Victoria. When she was two days old, I was wheeled into the ICU unit to meet my baby girl. She still looked like a fetus. Her skin was paper thing and she had fuzz all over her, when she cried barely a sound came out. She was kept under a heat lamp and her blanket was a piece of plastic. The preemie diapers where to big even folded in half so the nurses just layed her on them. I could not hold her. But she was mine and I wanted to.
Four days after having Victoria I had to be released from the hospital, but she couldn't go home with me. My grandparents came to pick me and Victoria's dad up and we traveled the two plus miles home. My belly was empty and so were my hands, all I had of my daughter were a few polaroids.
When she was about three weeks old my Aunt Julie drove us down to see Victoria. She had dropped down to one pound and thirteen ounces. Sucking burned too many calories so she was fed by a tube pushed down her tiny throat and into her stomach. I had been pumping breast milk and brought a cooler full. It was all I could to do parent my baby. We spent a few hours with her. The next several weeks I called to see how she was doing. She was gaining weight, she was maintaining her body heat. At one and a half months old she was flown to the hospital in our town. She was experiencing apnea and had to get that under control. The stress of the plane ride was hard on her body and she required a blood transfusion.Goals were set: She needed to learn to drink from a bottle and at five pounds she would be allowed to go home.
A month before her due date and at two months old Victoria had reached her goals. She weighed 5 lbs 4 oz and could drink from a bottle. I finally got to take her home.
The first night I couldnt sleep. I sat on the couch staring at this miniature creature afraid I wouldnt hear her cry, or that something would happen to her if I slept. The next night I figured out that if she slept on my chest I could wake up whenever she did. That was her bed for the next six months.Going in public without looks, questions and comments was next to impossible. Many people had never seen a baby so small, expecially one her age. But she continued to grow and was so much fun.
I had never had a baby before so this was my normal. When I returned to school Victoria was one of the smallest babies there, her biggest thing was her smile and she was a happy baby. Everyone loved her and everyone wanted to hold her.
We have grown up together. She was my doll baby and my little girl. I was a young girl but also her mother.
Now she is my most trusted girlfriend. She is someone who still needs me and she likes hanging out with me.It's weird looking back at the past eighteen years and when it all started. It seems like something that just happened yesterday.

ugh!

2010-11-02T12:38:00.000-07:00

The people in my family are "blessed" with this thing. It's this dragging thing. Negativity. I hate it. We inherited it from my grandfather. Depression. I'm positive it played a large part in my moms Parenting (or lack of) besides the whole drug addiction and Bipolar disorder issues. Anyway, this is like a dark shadow that I feel trying to creep over me, to engulf me in it's darkness.Even if things are going just fine in my life. I know staying in this job that I totaly don't want is not helping. I have decided I am for sure quitting in June, and that means 7 more months. I plan to take the summer off with the boys since we have no daycare or the money to pay it anyways. Then hopefully after the summer I will either go to school full-time or work and school part-time. This is all tentative planning, all except I am definetly quitting the main part of my job in June.I will still do the boarding house stuff.
Anyway, today I am mostly home. I have to work at the boarding house this afternoon and had a morning appointment flake on me. I spent some time outside pulling up my garden to get ready for winter. I spent too long complaining to Rebecca so I'm staying off the phone for a while and hopefully will get something accomplished before work.
I started taking my Vitamin D pills again this morning and St.Johns Wort. Hopefully I can fake it until this greyness goes away.Maybe a list of what I'm thankful for? Hey. Gay. Okay:
My house since I know being a homeowner is a blessing nowadays
My little poodle because she is always ready to cuddle with me
Money in my bank account even if it is just a little bit
Jeremey, for everything he does for me, which is ALOT.
Beautiful healthy kids.
My garden area for giving me a place to go find peace.
That today is at least sunny outside if I dont feel it inside.

This post is merely a virtual list for my benefit but feel free to peruse if interested.

2010-01-28T12:56:00.000-08:00

I have read a gazillion books in my lifetime and wish I had the foresight to start a list when I was much younger.At eleven I was reading John Grisham "The rainmaker","The client" etc. and Alice Walkers "The color Purple" Amy Tans "Joy luck club" I have read so much fucking AWESOMELY good stuff.If one could live off a good book I would be well fed.So! I have decided that at least for this year I will keep track of every book I read and how many pages just so at the end of the year I can be like "wow,that was an awesome year in the way of book reading,Good job Misty" That's my plan and I'm sticking to it. I am on my third book since 2010 began,thanks to reading while I pee.....waiting for clients dr. appointments.....and mine and jeremeys nightly reading ritual etc.And I have boxes and plastic buckets and bookshelves of stories waiting for me. Some books may not be that great but since I paid good money for them I will try to trudge my way through for as long as possible before giving up. So here it goes:__________________________________ _________

The girlfriends Club by-Judith Henry Wall 320 pgs. This is not the type of book I would normally read.I am not a "girls" girl and also am not into southern setting books.But it was a good story and even made me tear up at the end.

Welcome to Hard Times by-E.L.Doctorow 224 pages I read this book about five years ago and just thought it was written so well.I loved all the vulgarity and the rawness of the characters.I could read this one over and over.

"Schooled"By Gordon Kormon 224pgs. After I bought this one I discovered it is for reading levels 9-12. But chose to follow through reading it anyway. Of course since it is for children it is elementarily written and only a decent book because of the unique storyline- A boy name Capricorn who is raised in isolation by a hippie woman is taken into foster care and culture shocked by the world.

Snow Falling on Cedars By:David Guterson 460 pages. This was a good well written story, but sometimes I got lost in the over-descriptiveness of the World War II environment. Only because I dont love this type of history very much. David is a wonderful author.

The Boy who Harnessed the Wind By William Kamkwamba and Bryan Mealer 320 Pages. This book was reccommended to me by my boss. I actually enjoyed it, some parts were very sad but I am truly amazed at how brilliant some people can be.

Me Talk Pretty One Day By David Sedaris 272 pages. This book was pretty funny and light-heartedly entertaining. I want to read some of his other books now. It's a great read after a serious book.

too be continued.........